O'NEILL: Come on out.
FURLING: We are the Furlings.
JACKSON: We thought we'd never get to meet you.

MITCHELL: Well, you've got to open big, catch people's attention, make them think the whole thing is going to be jam-packed.
VALA: Ooh, I love jam. Oh, I get it. It's yet another playful twist on words in your "Earth" language.

JACKSON: No... I'm with Sam on this one. I mean... who makes a movie out of a series that only lasted three episodes?
TEAL'C: It allegedly performed well on DVD.

MARTIN: Our lead backed out. I mean... How am I supposed to tell a story without my lead character?
MITCHELL: Easy. Just bring in a character to replace him. What?

O'NEILL: Why not? It gives us an advantage over the Goa'uld. I can sneak around all I want... totally undetected. I give us the element of surprise. The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self.
TEAL'C: I assume I am staring at you stoically.
O'NEILL: Not buying it, eh?
TEAL'C: No. You are most transparent, O'Neill.
O'NEILL: Oh, I get it. Good one.
TEAL'C: I can see right through you.
O'NEILL: Don't push it

JACKSON: What difference does it make? I mean, it's not like you're going to have an actual ticking clock on the screen.
MARTIN: That's brilliant!
JACKSON: That's ridiculous.
MARTIN: Trust me. Jeopardy plus ticking clock is box office. It's the e = mc2 of the entertainment world. Ask any executive.
VALA: Except I think you've replaced jeopardy with certain death.

JACKSON: The mountain... blows up?
MARTIN: No possible hope for survival. Cool, huh? I just wrote it based on what's going on with the gate. I love it when art imitates life.
MITCHELL: Hang on... we're alive in the next scene.
MARTIN: Oh, I just haven't fixed that part yet. I'm thinking I can back-sell it and say you were beamed out at the last second.
JACKSON: Beamed out?
MARTIN: Sure. Why not?
TEAL'C: Is that not too convenient?
MARTIN: Not if you hang a lantern on it.
JACKSON: What's that?
MARTIN: It's a writer's term. Another character points out how convenient it is. Dr. Levant can say, "Wow, that was great timing". That way the audience knows I intended for it to be convenient, and we move on.

CARTER: "The singularity is about to explode?"
MARTIN: Yes.
CARTER: Everything about that statement is wrong.
JACKSON: How exactly is having weapons at maximum going to help the situation?
MARTIN: The audience isn't going to know the difference. They love "weapons at maximum".
MITCHELL: Never underestimate your audience. They're generally sensitive, intelligent people who respond positively to quality entertainment.
TEAL'C: I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.

MARTIN: Piece of advice. If you're going to rip something off, think of something a little more obscure.
VALA: Oh, okay.
VALA: Call me fahrbot, but they're gonna have our mivonks on a platter if we don't starburst the draz out of here.
JACKSON: Cluster's been damaged. We're not going anywhere.
CARTER: Oh, dren.
TEAL'C: Hezmana!
VALA: Frell!
MITCHELL: Aw, son of a hazmot!
ASGARD: Yotz!
MARTIN: Okay, you got me. I have no idea what that is.

CARTER: Well... It has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.
MITCHELL: Well, that can't have anything to do with me. I wasn't born till a year later.
JACKSON: Actually, it was nine months before he was born.
MITCHELL: What?
CARTER: You have to remember it was the 60's.
JACKSON: Come on, you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.
MITCHELL: Jack? O'Neill?
TEAL'C: Indeed.
CARTER: Do you remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you didn't think you should get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?
VALA: Wait, are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...
MITCHELL: My daddy?
JACKSON: All starting to make sense now, isn't it?
TEAL'C: Hmm.
MITCHELL: Oh, I'm being Punk'd, aren't I?
CARTER: We honestly can't tell you about 30185.

PUPPET HAMMOND: I do know this... we need to put together a team, starting with the most beautiful, battle-ready scientific genius I know... Captain-Doctor Samantha Carter.

PUPPET HAMMOND: Next, we need a bookworm adventurer who can say "brains" and "guts" in 27 languages... Doctor Daniel Jackson.

PUPPET HAMMOND: And now what this team needs is a leader, someone who'll laugh in the face of his enemy, even when it's inappropriate. Colonel Jack O'Neill.
PUPPET O'NEILL: I thought I told you I retired.
PUPPET HAMMOND: Oh. I thought you said you were tired.
PUPPET O'NEILL: Well, as a matter of fact, I am a little... tired.
PUPPET HAMMOND: There's no time for that now. You have a mission to lead.
PUPPET O'NEILL: Right!

PUPPET CARTER: I wonder what we're going to find on the other side.
PUPPET JACKSON: Whatever it is, I'll bet it's amazing.
PUPPET O'NEILL: Well, don't get too excited. It's just a simple recon.
PUPPET CARTER: Aren't you the least bit curious about what's out there?
PUPPET O'NEILL: Well, I'm just hoping we find some new meat for the team, preferably something... bald... mysterious... you know, the warrior type, with lots of, you know, muscles...

PUPPET HAMMOND: Dear god in heaven.
PUPPET WALTER: I feel so stupid.

MARTIN: Yeah, that'll work. A whole movie made with puppets.
MITCHELL: Hey, I'm just saying...
MARTIN: Maybe we can have puppet O'Neill jump over a Puppet Shark on a one-third scale motorcycle.
VALA: I don't get it.

MARTIN: Look, you don't know the business like I do. I don't have any money, so I have to give the actors something else.
CARTER: Bigger trailers?
MARTIN: I can't afford that either. No, I have to give them something that costs me nothing but no actor can refuse.
MITCHELL: And what's that?
MARTIN: A good ego stroking. I have to make them think that I re-wrote the script just for them. In this draft, there has to be something that makes them want to do this movie even if it's for scale.
MITCHELL: You know, we've been trying here. You're not listening.
MARTIN: No…I'm talking about a twist, something nobody's expecting.
O'NEILL: You mean something like this?
VALA: Wow, I don't think anyone will see that coming.
JACKSON:No, there'll be spoilers.
CARTER: Are you kidding? It'll be in the commercial.

O'NEILL: To be honest, I wouldn't mind one last jaunt through the old orifice. What? We call it that sometimes, don't we? Orifice?

MITCHELL: All right, let's go check out the mysteries of P2C-106.
O'NEILL: Hey, Marty. Why don't you come with us? Maybe find a little inspiration for the "end" of your little "movie."
MARTIN: Um... I can't. I just heard from the studio. The movie's been cancelled.
O'NEILL: Oh, there's some heartbreaking.
VALA: Oh, that's too bad.
MARTIN: Not for me. They decided to renew the series instead!

MARTIN:Wow, 10 seasons, 7 Saturn awards for Best Cable or Syndication Science Fiction Show who would have guessed? I think, first and foremost, it has to do with the... you know, with the writing. Obviously, we don't take ourselves too seriously...

REPLACEMENT: And I needed something even better to make you forget about the guy that fans loved to watch for the first seven years of the show... I know he was here for eight, but... you know, a lot of people say he just kind of phoned it in that last season.

GUNNE: Oh... yeah, well, that's ancient history. We don't talk about that around here. The fact of the matter is, I don't really even know what happened there. You know... I... to me, it never felt like I was leaving the show. I just needed a little space, a little time, you know? I wanted to get back to my roots -theatre. So I go to new York. Did a little Broadway, off-off-Broadway. Either way, it doesn't matter. It was acting, you know, acting without having people hurling papier-mâché boulders at you all *bleep* day. It was great, you know? I like 'em both. I like boulders. I'm fine with that.

MARTIN: This production runs like a well-oiled machine... and sure, that starts from the top, but, I mean, we all love this show - the... uh, gaffers, the lighting guy, the... uh, medic, makeup, and the caterers. It's like a family.

REPLACEMENT: The writers were trying to come up with a catch phrase. "I can get behind that!" Was, uh... something we tried for a while.

ANDERS: Science fiction is an existential metaphor that allows us to tell stories about the human condition. Isaac Asimov once said "Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today - but the core of science fiction, its essence... has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all."